Faith

We know the verse, and quote it readily: "Faith is the assurance of the things hoped for, the conviction of things not seen"... That's a nice, neat, definition. But how do you practice it? How does faith make it's way into every cell of your being?

It's been a long time since I've written - I think I've been so overwhelmed by life it's hard to find a place for words sometimes. At the beginning of this year, the Lord told me that this was going to be a year of faith - of me having to come face to face with who He is, who I am, and learning to truly trust Him with my everything. I thought -"Okay, I can see where this is heading. We need a lot of guidance in the ministry right now, and so I'm sure this is where it's going to focused". And every day I find that to be true... but I guess I didn't expect it to hit my personal life this hard. Not only do I not know the future of this incredible ministry after August, but I don't know the future of this precious baby I'm carrying right now. When God asked me to trust Him with everything, He really did mean EVERYTHING.

A couple days ago, my brother asked me how things were going out here, and I realized that I had nothing firm to say about anything... the radio station, the ministry center, the ministry itself, our baby... all hangs in the balance and only God knows the future of any of it and controls the outcome. Of course, that's the case all the time, but it's so blatantly real right now - it actually feels kind of good in a strange way.

We fool ourselves into thinking we are in some kind of control... we have our schedules and calendars, our plans for tomorrow, and we know where we're going. It's all a house of cards, since no one holds the future but our God, but there is a sick sort of security in that. And then you come nose to nose with reality, and there's a calming assurance in knowing that this is how it always is, you just see it more clearly right now. This is the substance of faith, the murkiness and uncertainties, the confusions and pain, the throwing it all down and being able to say from the depths of your soul, "not mine, but YOUR will be done"

YOUR WILL BE DONE... teach me to truly trust this in every minute of my day.