Good Perspective

Woke up earlier than I wanted to this morning, with a pretty bad attitude and little bit of feeling sorry for myself. Of course, most of this was my fault for going to bed too late and carrying alot of the baggage from yesterday into today...

Then I remembered a quote that my brother in law, Doug, sent us yesterday, and it threw everything into a much better perspective for me. So here it is:

“As we have a high old time this Christmas, may we who know Christ hear the cry of the damned as they hurtle headlong into the Christ-less night without ever a chance. May we be moved with compassion as our Lord was. May we shed tears of repentance for these we have failed to bring out of darkness. Beyond the smiling scenes of Bethlehem may we see the crushing agony of Golgotha. May God give us a new vision of His will concerning the lost and our responsibility.” – Nate Saint, missionary killed by Auca Indians, six days before Christmas

Hopi Sunset

The view from our front door a couple days ago. God's beauty is astonishing!

Nostalgia

This is a fairly lengthy quote, but read it ... read it well, and let Lewis weave his words around your heart -
In speaking of this desire for our own far-off country(heaven), which we find in ourselves even now, I feel a certain shyness. I am almost committing an indecency. I am trying to rip open the inconsolable secret in each one of you--the secret which hurts so much that you take your revenge on it by calling it names like Nostalgia and Romanticism and Adolescence; the secret also which pierces with such sweetness that when, in very intimate conversation, the mention of it becomes imminent, we grow awkward and affect to laugh at ourselves; the secret we cannot hide and cannot tell, though we desire to do both. We cannot tell it because it is a desire for something that has never actually appeared in our experience. We cannot hide it because our experience is constantly suggesting it, and we betray ourselves like lovers at the mention of a name. Our commonest expedient is to call it beauty and behave as if that had settled the matter....The books or the music in which we thought the beauty was located will betray us if we trust to them; it was not in them, it only came through them, and what came through them was longing. These things--the beauty, the memory of our own past--are good images of what we really desire; but if they are mistaken for the thing itself, they turn into dumb idols, breaking the hearts of their worshippers. For they are not the thing itself; they are only the scent of a flower we have not found, the echo of a tune we have not heard, news from a country we have never yet visited. Do you think I am trying to weave a spell? Perhaps I am; but remember your fairy tales. Spells are used for breaking enchantments as well as for inducing them.
~C.S. Lewis, The Weight of Glory (1949)

A larger perspective

I am reading Philippians right now - has long been one of my favorite sections of Scripture, and I am understanding more clearly why. In Philippians 1:12-14, Paul explains why he doesn't complain of the circumstances he's in, in prison, chained between 2 guards - in my human perspective, I think of how restless he must have been -yearning to go out and preach the Gospel, and yet stuck in a dungeon writing letters.
Yet all he talks of is praising God, for through his situation, the Gospel is spreading, and that is all that matters to him.
that is all that matters to him? How much else matters to me that is of no consequence? The Black Friday sales coming up - the new clothes I bought last week in town - the practical aspects of the ministry and how to get different things done - decorating for Christmas - traveling to Amsterdam (or wherever random place I happen to be dreaming of...) - so many things (many good things, in fact) tickle my fancy and distract my focus, and here Paul says, "What then? Only that, whether in pretense or in truth, Christ is proclaimed; and in this I rejoice. Yes, and I will rejoice."

How? By knowing WHO HE IS. Here is how MacArthur puts it: "Paul did not ignore or make light of his imprisonment, but it was INCIDENTAL to his willing, joyous, and immeasurably privileged status as a bondservant of Jesus Christ..." - every situation we find ourselves in is secondary to our status in Jesus' kingdom... EVERY SITUATION IS SECONDARY... WOW

"His ministry and his earthly life were inseparable. His earthly life would not be completed until his ministry was completed, and when his ministry was completed, his earthly life would have no further purpose." Oh the places in our lives that would be transformed if we could let this truth truly penetrate all the nooks and crannies of our complicated "personhood"!

Oh that I would learn to "seek first the Kindgom of God" and experienc the promise "and all these things will be added to you" (Lk 12:31)

To cherish...

A friend of mine lost her brother in a horrific accident last week... I have talked with her every day since this happened, and have heard the shock in her voice go to gut-wrenching pain and my heart has broken with her.

Tragedy. It awaits in the sidelines for each of us, only at different times and it hits us all in different ways. I used to live in fear of this... awaiting loss that I didn't think I would be able to handle. I don't know why I sunk into such morbidity, but it happened, and it started to take over my life. My husband, my precious daughter, my life as I know it ... fear of losing anything that I love so desperately threatened to rob me of all joy in these gifts.

I read this by MacArthur the other day: (speaking of Paul) "he makes it clear that difficult, unpleasant, painful, even life-threatening circumstances did not rob him of joy, but rather caused it to increase... the only certain cause for loss of joy in a believer's life is sin, which corrupts his fellowship with the Lord, who is the source of joy. (here I interpreted this to mean acts of sin - things we do to offend God... but then he goes on to explain...) Such sinful attitudes as dissatisfaction, bitterness, sullennes, doubt, fear, and negativism cause joy to be forfeited"

I talked with my friend last night, and then I went to bed and wrapped my arms around my husband - I held him a little tighter than normal, realizing a little more clearly how precious his place in my life is. Realizing a little more clearly how much I have been given, and how much I have to lose. And rather than let dread rob me of the joy God means for me to live in, I choose to cherish these days, to revel in today, not knowing what tomorrow may bring. I choose to squeeze as much out of life as I can today, and let God take care of my tomorrows (as He so clearly commands in Mt. 6:34) I want to be the kind of person Paul was, described here by MacArthur: "it seems as if the worst affliction merely tightened his grip on salvation's joy"

May we all grip joy tightly, because otherwise it slips away all too easily. May God grant us all the grace to be able to do this.

What is sin?

"Whatever weakens your reason, impairs the tenderness of your conscience, obscures your sense of God, or takes off the delight for spiritual things, whatever increases the authority of your body over your mind, that thing is sin."
written to John Wesley by his mother Susanna Wesley when he went to college.

Give to GOD

"Don't say that all you have to give [to GOD] is mere bread and water. Give yourself to the LORD for the service of men with what you have. Cannot He change water into wine? Cannot He make stammering words to be instinct (imbued, filled, charged) with saving power? Cannot He change trembling efforts to help into deeds of strength? Cannot He still as of old, enable you in all your personal povert 'to make many rich'? GOD has need of thee for the service of thy fellow man. He has a work for thee to do. To find out what it is, and then to do it, is at once thy supremist duty and thy highest wisdom. 'whatsoever He sayest unto you, do it'." (Canon George Body, quoted by Elisabeth Eliot)

Do not let...

"Peace I leave you, MY peace I give to you ... Do not let your heart be troubled, nor let it be fearful" John 14:27
Part of Jesus' parting words to us... they have made me take account of my life in a whole new way.

This is a command, not just a suggestion. A command as real as "do not murder" or "Love the LORD your GOD with all your heart, soul, and mind" or "do not commit adultery, lie, etc" Yet how many times when I am worried or troubled about something, feel fear (which has taken over my heart many times), do I think it's just how I am, or how I feel, so it's out of my control? Emotions arise from within us, that's just how we are; pop-psychology tells us to "embrace our feelings, learn from them, let them mold us..."

Scripture tells us to not let some feelings even exist.

How in the world to do that?

Listen to this: "I suggest that the main trouble in this whole matter of spiritual depression is this, that we allow ourselves to talk to us instead of talking to our self ... Have you realized that most of your unhappiness is due to the fact that you are listening to yourself rather than talking to yourself? The main art in the matter of spiritual living is to know how to handle yourself" -Martyn Lloyd-Jones

I believe learning obedience to this simple "do not let..." lies at the core of our ability to truly be a disciple, to truly let the Holy Spirit mold us into who He wants us to be. It doesn't have to be worry or fear, but whatever emotion seems to be crippling you... it may seem like more than one can do, to simply not let an emotion exist, but it is also amazingly freeing to know that it does lie within our power (or at least, the Power promised to us!) "Do not conform any longer to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind" (Romans 12:2) How many times have I read over this verse because of it's familiarity... yet it holds the key to so many areas of victory in our lives!

And that's as far as I'm getting today - Charissa just woke up and is asking for some attention :)

View from our balcony window yesterday morning with the clouds rolling in...

Love

Took this picture on the way up to beautiful Colorado - Almost put it on Charissa's page, but it seemed to confuse things to put my fun landscape photo on my page about her... Life does get intermingled, though, doesn't it?

Anyway, that's not at all what this is about. Was reading Philippians this morning - one of my favority books. Paul had a special relationship with the Philippians, one of joy and partnership, so when he says, "this is my prayer for you", my ears perked up. "This is my prayer: That your LOVE may abound more and more in KNOWLEDGE and DEPTH OF INSIGHT..." (1:9)

It seems that the church today gets so caught up in the first or second half of the verse - it's almost like an either/or. Our priority of LOVE or TRUTH (Knowledge & depth of insight), but God's call is to make it a marriage of both. What a fine tuned balance we must walk! But check out the next verse: "SO THAT you may be able to DISCERN what is best and be PURE and BLAMELESS... filled with the fruit of righteousness"

How many of us clamor after God - to know His will/plan for our lives - for our ministry - for our family - for ... (fill in the blank). We say we want to be righteous, to live in PURITY... but do we do what it requires? Rather than chasing after the fruit, God tells us to obey... to pursue love (not the fluffy love at all costs regardless of truth) but true LOVE in knowledge and depth of insight and the fruit in our lives will be discernment, purity and righteousness.

"Put first things first and second things will follow. Put second things first and you will lose both first and second things" -C.S. Lewis Just another take on "But seek first His kingdom and His righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well." (Matthew 6:33)

Covered by grace...

There's a lot of emotions involved in dreams coming true... in prayers being answered... in the long wait giving birth to reality.

Brad and I were at the land today - he was driving by and said, "you have to see this!". He turned and drove by the section of land that is being cleared for the trailers, only about a quarter of the entire plot. I thought to myself, "what's the big deal, I've seen the land before...", but as he came over the hill, and I saw clear, smooth ground, being prepared for bringing forth this great answer to years of prayers, something burst forth in my heart, and suddenly I had tears in my eyes and my heart was beating fast. It caught me by surprise, and Brad just smiled at me knowingly - for he had experienced the same thing when he saw it for the first time.

Yet in this whole process, it is so easy to become self-engrossed. So aware of my part in all of this. So humbled by how little I feel in the midst of something this big. So painfully self-consciously aware of my shortcomings as I gaze in wonder at a miracle springing forth. Even in humility, the sinfulness of self creeps in...

I must not draw lines in my life between the "secular" and "sacred", the "sinful" and "holy"... for isn't everything I touch coated in sin? This is from Charles Spurgeon's Morning & Evening devotional for August 29:
"We have need that the LORD should have mercy upon our good works, our prayers, our preachings, our alms-givings, and our holiest things. How sweet the remembrance that inexhaustible mercy is waiting to be gracious to us, to restore our backslidings, and make our broken bones rejoice! The blood was not only sprinkled upon the doorposts of Israel's dwelling houses, but upon the sanctuary, the mercy-seat, and the altar, because as sin intrudes into our holiest things, the blood of JESUS is needed to purify them from defilement."

I stand in constant need of the the blood of Christ to be sprinkled on every part of my life - my thoughts, my acts of service and worship, my prayers -- my very obedience must be covered by the grace of GOD!

A Quiet Heart

SO ... over the last few years, I realized I have a problem. I hate unfinished jobs - I don't like getting interrupted when I've started a job, and I hate it when the day is over and there are things left hanging that I meant to finish that day.

Anyone who's ever had a toddler knows how unrealistic that expectation in life is. Actually, anyone who'e ever lived knows that this is a road that will only lead to frustration and great irritability.

Well, knowing that didn't really help me stop. I've resolved over and over to be more patient, to be more relaxed, to not be so goal-driven, and I would fail over and over, only to find myself more frustrated and irritated.

The LORD has slowly been opening my eyes to His sovereignty ... if I'm going to choose to trust Him in the big things in life, why wouldn't I trust Him with my schedule? When the interruptions come, can I trust that maybe this is what GOD really intends for my day, not what I had planned to accomplish? And slowly my spirit has learned to submit...

Until today. Over the last few months, I have been growing generally more peaceful and patient with life's interruptions... I was greatly helped by reading Elisabeth Eliott, and a quote that she had in one of her books, which I have taped to the front of my planner - a constant reminder.
This morning, during my time with the LORD, I glanced at it, and smugly thought, I'm doing pretty good with this - no need to read it again or think about it too much.

Then the day hit, and how quickly I got sidetracked, frazzled, irritated, and just kinda mad at the world. Charissa was much needier than normal (she got her shots yesterday - it might have been because of that), every time I would try to start a project, I got interrupted, so by 5:00, I had numerous half-finished projects and very little to show for a day that I had such high hopes for.

So at the end of this day, I repent of my morning smugness and realize that I am a constant work in progress, daily needing the intervention of the Holy Spirit in my sinful spirit to put my heart in the right place. And I include in here the quote that has helped me so much; maybe you, like me, could use a little encouragement in quieting your heart:

"I think I find most help in trying to look on all the interruptions and hindrances to work that one has planned out for oneself as discipline, trials sent by GOD to help one against getting selfish over one's work. Then one can feel that one's work - one's true work for GOD - consists in doing some trifling haphazard thing that has been thrown into one's day.
It is not a waste of time, as one is tempted to think, it is the most important part of the work of the day - the part one can best offer to GOD. After such a hindrance, do not rush after the planned work; trust that the time to finish it will be given sometime, and KEEP A QUIET HEART ABOUT IT"
-Annie Keary

thank you, Charissa

I was talking with a friend the other day about the changes in my life in the past year and how God has drawn closer to me than I have ever experienced... and more sentences than not began with the words, "Since Charissa was born..."

They say motherhood changes you. Before you have a child, I think you take that to mean in the external application of life... you change the way you live, you have less time for yourself, you can't be as selfish as you are by nature, you have to think and plan differently... all true in and of themselves, but in essence they have nothing to do with how motherhood changes you.

And I have grappled with it, loved it, wept over it, and praised my LORD for it... the substance of who you are changes, and it is a wonderful thing.

Was reading a short chapter about this in a book on motherhood that puts this better than I ever could, from the perspective of telling a friend how she will be changed by having a baby:
"I want to tell her that the physical wounds of childbearing heal, but that becoming a mother will leave her with an emotional wound so raw that she will be forever vulnerable. I consider warning her that she will never read a newspaper again without asking, 'What if that had been my child?' That ever plane crash, every fire will haunt her. That when she sees pictures of starving children, she will look at the mothers and wonder if anything could be worse than watching your child die...
I want to assure her that eventually she will shed the pounds of pregnancy, but she will never feel the same way about herself. That her life, now so important, will be of less value to her once she has a child. That she will give it up in a moment to save her offspring, but will also begin to hope for more years, not so much to accomplish her own dreams, but to watch her child accomplish [hers]...
My friend's relationship with her husband will change, I know; but not in the ways she thinks. I wish she could understand how much more you can love a man who is careful to always powder the baby or who never hesitates to play with his child. I think she should know that she will fall in love with her husband again for reasons she would now find very unromantic... I want to describe to my friend the exhilaration of seeing your son learn to hit a baseball. I want to capture for her the belly laugh of a baby who is touching the soft fur of a dog [or a cat, as was the case with Charissa the other night] for the first time...
I want her to taste the joy that is so real that it hurts"

Thank you, Charissa, for changing not just my life, but who I am in ways I never knew could happen and certainly never intended. Thank you for blazing into my world and shining the light of God's grace into this soul.

Thank you, Charissa, for making me a mother.

What else is life really about?

What's the point?

Working in ministry, there are so many motivations and reasons for doing what we do ... we're all in the same boat as far as that goes, i guess. We can look good on the outside, but what's the real point ...

Here's what I'm talking about: This morning Brad read some MacArthur comments about the state of the church and it's leaders... "The surest road to a church's spiritual stagnation, to the pastor's burnout, or to both is for the pastor to become so engulfed in activites and programs that he has too little time for prayer and the Word... it is lack of knowledge of God's Word and obedience to it, not lack of programs and methods, that destroy His people. When they fail it is not because of weak programs but because of weak teaching."

We are at the beginning of a new school year - talking with our staff about what we need to tweak to really meet the needs of the new "kids" we have coming. I automatically think methodology - what we need to "do" to keep their interest, to keep them coming back, to get them interested in the message and thus communicate Christ to them. This really pulls me back ... makes me examine not only my personal life, but what I'm communicating to these youth. Especially at a time when much of our focus is trained on the ministry center, we must work especially hard at maintaining our true purpose, to immerse ourselves in the Word of God and to hold it up high for others to see...

Following on the heels of this, I happened across a bit written by George Muller (in an appendix to Andrew Murray's With Christ in the School of Prayer) right at a time when he was expanding his orphanage to a bigger facility. (Very similar to where we are at with the ministry center process). This is a fairly lengthy quote, but worth sticking with. He says one of his main objectives in this was to prove the faithfulness of God to his orphans and others involved in the process. "My spirit longed to be instrumental in strengthening their faith ... to show them by proofs that He is the same in our day...
"When I began the orphan work in 1835, my chief object was the glory of GOD, by giving a practical demonstration as to what could be accomplished simply through the instrumentality of prayer and faith... this my aim has been abundantly honored...
"All this leads me to desire further and further to labor on in this way, in order to bring yet greater glory to the Name of the LORD. That He may be looked at, magnified, admired, trusted in, relied on at all times is my aim in this service; and so particularly in this intended enlargement. That it may be seen how much one poor man, simply by trusting in GOD, can bring about by prayer; and that thus other children of GOD may be led to carry on the work of GOD in dependence upon Him; and that children of GOD may be led increasingly to trust in Him in their individual postitions and circumstances, therefore I am led to this further enlargement."

All the perspective I need. Lord, make it stick!

Finally on the web...

I've finally joined the blogging universe...

The LORD has been throwing wide the truths of His Word to me lately, and, as Jeremiah says, "His word is in my heart like a fire,a fire shut up in my bones.I am weary of holding it in; indeed, I cannot. (Jer. 20:9)

so this is my effort, for better or worse, to let it out.