thank you, Charissa

I was talking with a friend the other day about the changes in my life in the past year and how God has drawn closer to me than I have ever experienced... and more sentences than not began with the words, "Since Charissa was born..."

They say motherhood changes you. Before you have a child, I think you take that to mean in the external application of life... you change the way you live, you have less time for yourself, you can't be as selfish as you are by nature, you have to think and plan differently... all true in and of themselves, but in essence they have nothing to do with how motherhood changes you.

And I have grappled with it, loved it, wept over it, and praised my LORD for it... the substance of who you are changes, and it is a wonderful thing.

Was reading a short chapter about this in a book on motherhood that puts this better than I ever could, from the perspective of telling a friend how she will be changed by having a baby:
"I want to tell her that the physical wounds of childbearing heal, but that becoming a mother will leave her with an emotional wound so raw that she will be forever vulnerable. I consider warning her that she will never read a newspaper again without asking, 'What if that had been my child?' That ever plane crash, every fire will haunt her. That when she sees pictures of starving children, she will look at the mothers and wonder if anything could be worse than watching your child die...
I want to assure her that eventually she will shed the pounds of pregnancy, but she will never feel the same way about herself. That her life, now so important, will be of less value to her once she has a child. That she will give it up in a moment to save her offspring, but will also begin to hope for more years, not so much to accomplish her own dreams, but to watch her child accomplish [hers]...
My friend's relationship with her husband will change, I know; but not in the ways she thinks. I wish she could understand how much more you can love a man who is careful to always powder the baby or who never hesitates to play with his child. I think she should know that she will fall in love with her husband again for reasons she would now find very unromantic... I want to describe to my friend the exhilaration of seeing your son learn to hit a baseball. I want to capture for her the belly laugh of a baby who is touching the soft fur of a dog [or a cat, as was the case with Charissa the other night] for the first time...
I want her to taste the joy that is so real that it hurts"

Thank you, Charissa, for changing not just my life, but who I am in ways I never knew could happen and certainly never intended. Thank you for blazing into my world and shining the light of God's grace into this soul.

Thank you, Charissa, for making me a mother.

What else is life really about?

What's the point?

Working in ministry, there are so many motivations and reasons for doing what we do ... we're all in the same boat as far as that goes, i guess. We can look good on the outside, but what's the real point ...

Here's what I'm talking about: This morning Brad read some MacArthur comments about the state of the church and it's leaders... "The surest road to a church's spiritual stagnation, to the pastor's burnout, or to both is for the pastor to become so engulfed in activites and programs that he has too little time for prayer and the Word... it is lack of knowledge of God's Word and obedience to it, not lack of programs and methods, that destroy His people. When they fail it is not because of weak programs but because of weak teaching."

We are at the beginning of a new school year - talking with our staff about what we need to tweak to really meet the needs of the new "kids" we have coming. I automatically think methodology - what we need to "do" to keep their interest, to keep them coming back, to get them interested in the message and thus communicate Christ to them. This really pulls me back ... makes me examine not only my personal life, but what I'm communicating to these youth. Especially at a time when much of our focus is trained on the ministry center, we must work especially hard at maintaining our true purpose, to immerse ourselves in the Word of God and to hold it up high for others to see...

Following on the heels of this, I happened across a bit written by George Muller (in an appendix to Andrew Murray's With Christ in the School of Prayer) right at a time when he was expanding his orphanage to a bigger facility. (Very similar to where we are at with the ministry center process). This is a fairly lengthy quote, but worth sticking with. He says one of his main objectives in this was to prove the faithfulness of God to his orphans and others involved in the process. "My spirit longed to be instrumental in strengthening their faith ... to show them by proofs that He is the same in our day...
"When I began the orphan work in 1835, my chief object was the glory of GOD, by giving a practical demonstration as to what could be accomplished simply through the instrumentality of prayer and faith... this my aim has been abundantly honored...
"All this leads me to desire further and further to labor on in this way, in order to bring yet greater glory to the Name of the LORD. That He may be looked at, magnified, admired, trusted in, relied on at all times is my aim in this service; and so particularly in this intended enlargement. That it may be seen how much one poor man, simply by trusting in GOD, can bring about by prayer; and that thus other children of GOD may be led to carry on the work of GOD in dependence upon Him; and that children of GOD may be led increasingly to trust in Him in their individual postitions and circumstances, therefore I am led to this further enlargement."

All the perspective I need. Lord, make it stick!

Finally on the web...

I've finally joined the blogging universe...

The LORD has been throwing wide the truths of His Word to me lately, and, as Jeremiah says, "His word is in my heart like a fire,a fire shut up in my bones.I am weary of holding it in; indeed, I cannot. (Jer. 20:9)

so this is my effort, for better or worse, to let it out.